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	Nazi
		I’m afraid I would have been a great Nazi. In football, I didn’t just tackle. I punctured lungs. In practice. One guy swallowed his tongue. Thank, God, they got it out. Loyal, fervent, an overachiever; I can focus on a pinpoint. Ambitious, efficient, organized, with penchants for detail and order; I’m a natural for committing to a cause and then blindly, dutifully meeting objectives until the mission is accomplished. I thrive on success; pleasing others, people in charge, those I want to like me. Is it in my blood; this exaggerated sense of duty, the need to impress? Competitive, yet insecure; why must I survive -- no, flourish -- even if it involves the expense of others? Why don’t I ask -- question -- more? Is it that much easier to scream the loudest, hit the hardest, do the most? Being a defenseless victim -- helplessly watching my family suffer -- is my worst fear, most terrible nightmare. Being the Nazi is a close second. Why, then, do I come so close? Is it because these attributes, “strengths,” are part of the makeup of a good Nazi? Are they in all of us? Are we predisposed to becoming one if the right set of circumstances triggers the attributes? How can so much of what is considered good be responsible for our sinking so low, to depths where no one should be able to dive, much less live? There is a fine, so very frightening, line. Do not cross it. Hitler and Höss grew up intending to be priests. The nation that produced Beethoven, Mozart, Mendelssohn, Kant, Hegal, Goethe, Thomas Mann, Einstein, and Herman Hesse also created Auschwitz. It’s enough to make me hate myself. Despise what we are. Don’t stop wondering. Never be fanatical. (Even against Nazis?)
					© 1999 by Jed Block
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